Holiday Parties, Long Time No Sees, and Persuasion
This past Christmas, my dad decided to get the whole family together for the first time in a long time for our Christmas party. He instituted a “no gifts” policy ahead of time, and to be honest, it made my inner child scream. What if someone wanted to give me a gift but couldn’t because of the rule?
Anyway, I experience extreme social anxiety, so I knew ahead of time that this was going to be a daunting endeavor. I say this knowing the risk of someone reading this, rolling their eyes and muttering to themselves, “Oh please, everyone would experience social anxiety in that situation.” Whatever, nerd. I hadn’t seen some of these people in over 10 years. What the heck was I supposed to say? “Oh, I saw on Facebook that you got a new dog seven years ago. NICE!”
My wife and I arrived 10 minutes early with our two dishes and began conversing with fellow partygoers. I think I talked about spoons with someone and bragged about my wife for making mashed potatoes and pasta salad. Thankfully, I can always count on all sides of my family showing up fashionably late, so I’m proud to say I was able to sink into the background after the initial awkward conversations.
No one ever talks about how hard it is to want to be the center of attention constantly while simultaneously feeling like you’re going to die when talking to people...
My dad is a smart guy, whether he knows it or not. The place he rented had different spots for people to hang out: a gym, a play area for the kids, and a large eating space. I particularly enjoyed hanging out in the gym, where I could shoot hoops and throw dodgeballs at the kids and try to hit them in the face. One thing they don’t tell you about adulthood—you still really like to play.
A cousin of mine I hadn’t seen since childhood (but had been Facebook friends with for years) was also in the gym. I mustered up all of my networking skills and said hello. We talked about our kids, stuff we’d seen from each other online, and what we did for work. After I mentioned that I coached debate on the side, he asked me the question I’d been waiting and yearning to hear out in the wild:
How does one persuade another in this day and age?
My answer wasn’t great. “I don’t know,” I said, followed by the most nervous laugh that’s ever been nervously laughed.
But that answer was largely true, even if I didn’t articulate it well enough.
Communication 101
Every audience is different, and it’s a communicator’s job to figure out what works for each one. Still, if I had to offer one practical strategy that works across nearly every situation, it would be to get comfortable speaking and writing using structure. People are more likely to follow what you say.
The Structure
I didn’t come up with this. It’s a simplified version of the Toulmin model of argumentation. But I’ve used it for years in speech and debate, both as a coach and a competitor, and it works. I’ve taught it in class, helped students use it in their final speeches, and even slipped it into real-world conversations. It’s flexible, simple, and powerful.
The structure looks like this:
Claim – A short statement of what you believe. Keep it to 4–8 words if you can. People have low attention spans and will appreciate brevity.
Evidence – Use a stat, story, or logic that backs up your claim. It doesn’t have to be fancy—just needs to show that your idea isn’t coming out of nowhere.
Impact – Why does this matter to the person you’re talking to? What changes for them if they agree?
Here’s a tip: This structure stays the same, but the content inside it should change depending on who you're trying to persuade. What counts as good evidence or meaningful impact depends entirely on your audience.
Examples
Everyday Example
Claim: We should get sweets for the party.
Evidence: Usually, sweets are a great party favor, and people want something sweet after the main course.
Impact: Tasty treats make people happy and more likely to remember the party in a positive light.
Sports Example
Claim: Alabama should start Ty Simpson this year.
Evidence: He’s a tremendous leader with experience backing up Bryce Young and Jalen Milroe. AL.com even reported in January that Coach DeBoer and his staff have high confidence in him.
Impact: If Alabama wants to win, their best shot is going with a proven and accurate player like Ty.
Business Example
Claim: Our company should hire more interns.
Evidence: An Indeed article from January highlighted how interns bring fresh perspectives and help recruit and retain top talent.
Impact: New ideas keep us adaptable in a changing world, and successful internships can turn into long-term hires.
Takeaway
It probably would’ve been awkward if I had explained any of this to my cousin in that gym that day. And honestly, it would’ve cut into valuable time spent nailing kids with dodgeballs.
Look, we all want to be persuasive. A structure like Claim → Evidence → Impact helps you do that consistently, no matter your situation.
But the world is changing. We’re more divided, more distant. And I know I’ve contributed to that in various ways—online and in person. I’m not perfect and I love arguing with people over Facebook. It’s just in my DNA.
So going forward, I want to challenge myself to something even harder than persuasion: listening to and understanding the people around me.
Activity Time
Imagine you want to convince your team at work to switch to a four-day workweek. Alternatively, maybe you want to argue against a four-day workweek. How would you do it using Claim → Evidence → Impact?
Drop your version in the comments—or just think through what you might say the next time you want to get someone on your side. You might be surprised how powerful a little structure can be.